Not A Bachelorette Party
by MiladyGirl
Summary: A "tie-in" of sorts to my fic "Undercover", but reads as a standalone piece. Blake and Rossi are getting married, and the boys have taken Rossi to Vegas for a bachelor party. Meanwhile, the ladies (including Emily Prentiss) decide to take Alex out for a crazy night on the town.


**A/N**

This is sort of a tie-in for my fic "Undercover". It derailed so badly I decided I couldn't keep it in because it ruined the whole tone of the fic. LOL But I had a lot of fun writing it, so I decided to post it as a standalone piece. This is not meant to be taken seriously in any way, and they're going to get a bit OOC at times, but... I'd like to blame the alcohol for that. :P

I'll be back with the actual fic - which is slightly more serious than this little outbreak of weirdness - later in the week. :) Cheers!

* * *

"So, the boys are leaving for Vegas and a bachelor party. Are you sure you don't want a bachelorette party?" JJ asked. "I mean, they're probably going to party like a bunch of teenagers."

"Well, let them," Alex said. "Personally, I think a couple of beers down at my favourite bar will do perfectly. And I'm looking forward to see Emily Prentiss again; her last visit was so brief I didn't feel we had time to get to know each other."

Garcia rounded the corner and walked up to them.

"Are you ladies ready for a wild and crazy night on the town?" she said and put her arms around their shoulders. "I can already feel the taste of my first Margarita… oh, you wanna see what I'm going to wear?"

"You've had time to go shopping?" Alex asked.

"Of course! You're going to tell me you haven't?"

Alex shrugged.

"What's wrong with what I usually wear?"

"Oh my sweet, on your bachelorette party? No, no, and no."

"It's _not_ a bachelorette party," Alex began but her words drowned in Garcia's scream of happiness.

"Emily! You're here!"

Alex turned around to see Emily Prentiss, her predecessor in the team, coming into the bullpen, grinning broadly.

"Hey girls, oh it's so great to see you!"

She hugged them all in order, saving Alex for last.

"The bride-to-be. I'm so happy for you. It was about time Rossi found a challenge."

"Um, thank you, I think."

Emily laughed and patted her shoulder.

"So, what are the plans for tonight?"

Alex shrugged.

"A beer or two. Or a dozen. Dave gave me one of his cards, so this is courtsey of his latest bestseller."

"The one about the forensic linguist and the letter killer?" Emily said, still grinning. "Yeah, it's only fair he pays you some royalty for that one," she said.

"Actually, he wrote it before we met," Alex said and grabbed her purse. "Let's go." The other women looked at her. "What?"

"Oh no, if this evening is on Rossi, let's go and get you a new outfit first."

 _Three against one. I have a feeling I'm going to regret this evening. Big time._

* * *

"You've been in there for several minutes now, come out and let us have a look!"

"Yeah, I'm not wearing this in public," Alex said. JJ snuck in behind the drapes to see how bad it was.

"You are _definitely_ wearing this in public," she said. "Guys, take a look!" She pushed Alex two steps out of the fitting room. Two sets of eyes stared at her and she glared at JJ as she tried to hide her very exposed cleavage.

Garcia simply gaped, uncharacteristically speechless.

"Wow!" Emily said. "Seriously… you look like that underneath those pantsuits?! No wonder you got Rossi falling for you. You know who you resemble?"

"No?" Alex said, trying to pull at the shorts in a futile attempt to make them longer.

"Sandra Bullock."

"Yeah, that's sweet of you Emily, but I have seen 'Gravity' and let's just say that gravity hasn't been quite as kind to me as it has to her," Alex replied.

"Is there a reason you've been hiding your secret super hotness from the rest of us all the time?" Garcia interrupted, as if she hadn't been listening at all.

"Not from Rossi," JJ reminded her.

"Oh God," Alex said and put both hands in front of her face, revealing the full extent of her exposed cleavage. JJ took pity on her and steered her back into the fitting room.

"You look great Alex. Really, you do," she reassured her. "But if you absolutely don't want to go out like this, you don't have to."

Alex considered. Then she shrugged and said;

"Oh, what the hell, why not? When is my next chance to publicly show off the top half of my breasts as well as my panty line?"

JJ giggled.

"They're not _that_ short."

"Yes they are. These aren't shorts, these are hotpants. Jesus, I'm an honourable woman."

"Not for another week, you aren't. Besides, the boys are in _Vegas_ ," JJ added pointedly. "So if everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, everything that happens tonight stays between us. Okay?"

Alex sighed.

"I need a drink."

"Now you're talking! Let's go!"

* * *

Several beers, cocktails and wine coolers later, the four women had resorted to a giggly game of "Never Have I Ever".

"I've never kissed a girl," Emily said, making it sound like she revealed her virginity. Garcia and JJ giggled, exchanged looks and sipped their drinks.

"Hey, you two?!"

"Yeah, we were listening to Katy Perry and I said 'what's so special about that?'… and Penelope took that as a challenge," JJ snickered.

Alex hoped that in the general outcries at this revelation, her own sip would go unnoticed, but it didn't.

"Oh my God, it's true what they say, still waters run deep," Emily said. "Tell us!"

Alex grinned and shook her head.

"Will you look again at what I'm wearing? I need to have _some_ secrets left."

"So I'm the only one here who's never kissed a girl," Emily pouted. Alex looked at the inviting pout, thought _oh, what the hell_ , and pulled Emily towards her, giving her a soft, expert kiss on the mouth.

"Now you have," she said. Emily seemed somewhat dazed.

"I can see why Rossi wants to marry you," she said. "It might be sad that I even admit this, but that's the best kiss I've had in years."

"That _is_ sad!" Alex laughed. "Maybe we should focus on finding you a man tonight," she said and finished her drink.

"No, we can do that next time," Emily objected and spilled some of her beer.

"Right, we haven't even gotten to the tequila shots yet," Garcia said.

"Tequila shots?" Alex sounded intrigued. "I have never had tequila shots."

The rest of them raised their glasses and drank.

"Wohoo, you're in for a wild ride lady," Garcia grinned. "So wild I bet you'll even end up riding the bull."

Alex glanced across the bar at Buck, the resident bull, and shook her head.

"There is not a chance on God's green Earth that I will ever get so drunk you'll get me up on that thing," she declared.

Emily's eyes glittered and JJ and Garcia grinned. Alex's mouth dropped open.

"No, no, no, that wasn't a challenge!"

* * *

"I am too drunk to be drinking like this…" Alex slurred, frowned as she replayed the words in her mind, and said, "No, wait that didn't sound right… _hic_! I'm too _old_ to be drinking like this! Yeah, that's it."

Emily raised her head from the table where she had rested it and blinked, trying to focus.

"I think those Jello shots were the ones that tipped the scale," she groaned. "Never drink the green stuff."

Alex hiccupped again. "I feel like twenty-one all over again. _Hic!_ I did a lot of drinking that year. A _lot_ of a lot of drinking."

"I hear ya, sister," Emily nodded and tried to steady herself against the table with her elbow, but slipped and nearly smacked herself in the face in the process. "Are you drunk enough to dare taking the bull by the horns?"

Alex's eyes narrowed as she considered. Either that or she just tried not to pass out, Emily thought.

"One more round," she finally said, and it was inconclusive if she answered Emily's question or if she just voiced an opinion.

"Where's JJ and Garcia?"

"Garcia is trying to start a dance frenzy by the bar… _hic_! And JJ is fending off advances from some guy."

"Does she look like she needs help?" Emily asked and tried to turn around in her chair without falling over. Alex shook her head.

"Nah. She just flashed her badge in his face. Oh, look! More Jello shots!"

"Famous last words," Emily remarked contently and finished her drink.

* * *

When Alex woke up the next morning, her face was stuck to the pillow. After cracking herself loose, she rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling, wondering if death would have mercy on her and take her right away, or if she would actually have to suffer through this massive hangover.

 _Oh God, I knew I was going to regret that night. Oh God. Oh God._

Something moved in the bed next to her and Emily Prentiss's miserably hung-over face peered at her across the sheets. At first she didn't seem to know where she was, then she sighed.

"Oh man, I ended up in bed with the bride to be. Good thing I'm still dressed, or I'd be ashamed," she muttered.

"Hey, be quiet before my head splits, please?"

"JJ?"

"As far as I recall I went to bed alone," Alex groaned. "And now I wake up with two women."

"Three," Garcia's voice came from somewhere on the floor. "Well, technically I'm not _in_ bed with you, but…"

"Hush, hush, please… my head is killing me," JJ whimpered.

"Does anyone remember what happened after we left the bar?" Alex asked in a scratchy voice. Well, she had obviously been shouting. Or singing. She sniffed her hair. Yeah, and smoking.

"I don't even remember leaving the bar," Emily replied.

"I think," Garcia began and struggled to get into bed with the rest of them. "Eurgh, who's been eating Cheetos in bed?"

"I know who the usual suspect would be," Emily said and glared at JJ. "At least I don't think our feisty Bull-rider here even eats Cheetos," she added and shot Alex a glance.

"Last night I could have eaten anything, for all I know," Alex said and tried to _sit_ up without _throwing_ up. "Bull-rider? Did I seriously get up on that thing?"

"Yes!" Garcia said. "That part I remember vividly. It was hilarious!"

"I _rode_ the _bull_?" Alex couldn't believe her ears.

"Well… not so much rode. Not so much sitting on it either. You mounted and fell over on the other side before it even began to move, then you couldn't get up on your own."

"That's when the bartender forced us to take a walk, right?" Emily said and then started to laugh hysterically.

"What now?" Alex said from behind a pillow she had pressed against her face.

"Ow, ow, my head, God… I remember bits and pieces now. You wanted to go and grab some junk food. And we found this junk food place, and you tried to order cheese nachos, and you could not pronounce it to save your life, and when the guy asked what you meant, you nearly threw a fit, lecturing him on linguistics until he gave you the nachos for free just to make you go away."

"I hope you're making this up."

"You'll never know," Emily replied and tried to get out of bed.

"I'm burping up Jello, did I have Jello shots?" Alex complained.

"Oh, did you _ever_!" Emily exclaimed, causing two blondes and one brunette to wince and hold their heads in a nearly identical manner.

"Small letters, tiny voice," JJ said. "Please."

"Sorry, but yeah, you did."

"That explains everything. Please, let's never speak of this again. Ever. Especially not to the boys."

"Sure, but aren't you forgetting something?"

"What?"

"You paid for everything with Dave's card, so he'll find out."

Alex kept a straight face.

"So? I'm just going to blame you guys. That's what friends are for, right?" She chuckled. "Now I'm going to make us some coffee, and maybe we'll be human again sometime around next week, or so."

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in Las Vegas**

"Reid breaks his pinky toe trying to demonstrate his skills in step dance, Hotch gets pulled over for speeding as we drive to the hospital, and they take me in for interrogation because I resemble some mafia druglord? My God, Morgan, this was an incredible bachelor's party. Thank you so much," Rossi said in the most sarcastic voice he possibly could master.

"I'm not too disappointed," Morgan said.

"Of course not, you hooked up with the pretty doctor who examined Reid."

"Do you think the girls had a wild night?"

Rossi shrugged.

"Nah. Alex said they might go out and have a couple of beers, but that's probably as wild as it got. She's not exactly the rowdy party type."


End file.
